One thing we've discovered about love, relationships, marriage
and how to stay in love is...
Great relationships DO NOT happen by accident...
In fact, it's true about not only your relationships, but
everything in life...
A great anything does not happen by accident...
Take couples who "fall in love" and "stay in love" for example...
What we've found is that "falling in love" and "staying in love"
are two different things.
The falling in love is certainly easier than the staying in love,
but for the couples who somehow manage to do both the
question is...
How do they do it?
How do these couples seem to beat the odds and do what
most couples can't seem to do?
There are several ways that couples keep the fires
stoked and burning long after the honeymoon period of the
relationship is over.
We're going to share a few of those secrets with you today...
Secret 1
Couples who stay in love seem to actually talk to each other
differently than couples who are headed for divorce court...
Not only do these couples talk to each other differently, but
they also use different words than the rest of us when they
talk to each other....
They use "magic words" that seem to help open their partner
instead of shut him or her down--
They use words that keep their partner interested instead
of bored--
In any relationship, what we've found is that words can
wound and words can heal.
We've found that the right words truly can make all the
difference between whether you stay in love or your relationship
becomes a divorce or breakup statistic--
That's why we've put together a collection of the best words
you could ever say to your partner if you want to stay in love
or even rebuild a love that's faded over time.
We call these "Magic Relationship Words."
And if you'd like to have our collection of 101 of these
magic words and phrases to help you say it right with your
partner, you can download them here...
Secret #2
Couples who "fall in love" AND "stay in love" over a long
period of time "ditch competition."
We can't tell you how many times we've seen it in our
Relationship Breakthrough Coaching work with couples...
Couples compete with each other about big and small
things (even in playful ways) and sit around in amazement
when the life has been sucked out of their relationship or
marriage and they are left wondering...
Why?
The reason is simple:
In our opinion, there is no room for competition in a
relationship between couples who are intimate partners
or married.
If you doubt whether this is true or not...
Try this...
The next time that you and your intimate partner or spouse
have a friendly little competition about anything, when
you are finished, ask yourself one very easy question:
"Do I feel closer and more connected to him or her or do
I feel distant and more disconnected?"
We're willing to bet that you'll feel more disconnected if there
is any kind of competition between the two of you.
Of all the people we have ever worked with personally
and those who have gone through our "Should You Stay
or Should You Go?" program for deciding whether to
stay in or leave a relationship
Not one of these people has ever said to us...
"I feel like we're really on the same team here--we're
splitting up!"
It just doesn't happen.
Here's the Susie and Otto rule for this:
In order to "stay in love," make sure that you and your
partner or spouse ALWAYS play on the same team.
The potential challenges, upsets and heartbreak are
just too great if you don't.
Secret 3
Couples who "fall in love" AND "Stay in Love" remind
themselves and each other regularly about what they like,
love and appreciate about each other.
Just last night, Susie asked Otto...
"What do you most appreciate about me?"
To many people, it may seem kind of silly for a couple who's
been together as long as we've been together to be telling
each other what we appreciate about each other all
the time.
But it works--
Try this with your partner every so often and notice the
difference it makes in your relationship.
Simply say to your partner:
"Something I really appreciate about you is____________"
And then fill in the blank with what you like, love or
appreciate about him or her.
This alone can sometimes work miracles in a
relationship or marriage.
As you may know, we just came out with a brand new
program specifically for women who want to know whether
their man is lying to them or cheating. It's called,
"Where There's Smoke There's Fire: How To Tell If Your Man
Is A Cheating Liar..."
While we were putting together this program, we couldn't
help but think about how much less frequently this would
occur in relationships if both men and women appreciated each
other more.
Please know that we're not naive enough to think that
in all cases simply "appreciating each other more"
will solve all your relationship ills.
We're not suggesting that at all.
What we are saying is that it's been our experience that
when you tell your partner, spouse or lover how much you
like, love and appreciate him or her in specific ways on a
regular basis, --your relationship really sings.
